So I'm on the bus home and there are these three lads on the back row being loud and annoying, at least that's what I thought at first. Then, seeing as it was impossible to miss what they were saying, I decided to make notes on their conversation and it became rather enjoyable. It went something like this:
Lad 1, checking Facebook statuses on his phone, 'Hey guys, Marty's just posted, "Just stabbed myself with a knife while cooking dinner."' They all laugh. 'What an idiot,' says lad two.
After a pause Lad 3 says, 'I don't think I've got your number -.'
'I'll ring you,' replies Lad 1.
Lad 2 is now on the phone to Marty. 'Hey Marty, what's this about you stabbing yourself with a knife?' Marty presumably answers and Lad 2 breaks out laughing again, then hangs up.
Lad 3's phone starts ringing, his ring tone is like one of those old fashioned things with wires and a hand set that reached all the way from your ear to your mouth. He 'picks it up'. 'Hello,' he says, 'hello? Hello...' There's no answer, so he ends the call. However no sooner has he done this when the ringing starts again. 'Hello,' he says, but still there's no reply, 'hello?' He cancels the call again.
This happens three more times before Lad 2 says, 'you should try calling back.'
'I have,' says Lad 3.
'No you haven't,' says Lad 2.
'Yeah, I just rang the number and said, "hello."
Then his phone rings yet again. 'Hello,' says Lad 3.
'Hello,' is echoed a moment later from the other side of the bus where Lad 1 has put his phone on 'speaker.' Lad 3 is confused for a minute but then catches on as Lad 1 and 2 begin laughing their heads off.
'Six times,' chokes Lad 1, 'I called you six times.' He can barely get the words out he's laughing so much. 'I even told you I was going to ring you so that you'd have my number, but you forgot!'
'That's how I knew you hadn't called the number, you liar,' says Lad 2. 'You never listen, do you?'
Lad 1 stops laughing to point out the house he and Lad 2 are moving into next year. 'That one, the white one,' he says. 'It's got five bedrooms, and there're no neighbours. 's gonna be wicked. We've decided, we're gonna have chickens and ducks, and we're even gonna have corn.'
'Well,' cuts in Lad 2, 'maybe not the corn, but definitely the chickens and ducks.'
'And we've got a jacuzzi,' Lad 1 continues, impressively.
'It's a paddling pool,' Lad 2 confides to Lad 3.
'And we're gonna keep doves so we can send people notes.'
'Aww,' says Lad 3 sarcastically, 'wait, isn't that pigeons? And why would you keep ducks and chickens?'
'For eggs!' Say lads 1 and 2 together.
The talk turns to football and Lad 1 says, 'I wouldn't mind being as ugly as Tevez if I could have his wages. What's he earn? Something like £200,000 a year?'
'I think you mean a week,' says Lad 2.
'Yeah, a week,' says Lad 1, 'if I had that much money I'd buy a house every week.'
'Why would you do that?' says Lad 3.
'So I could build up an empire of houses. Just think you could own half of Manchester in no time.'
'I could just see - as a Roman emperor,' says Lad 2.
'Oh, hold on,' cuts in Lad 1. We've just turned on to a narrow road with cars parked on both sides. A car is coming towards us but pulls into a space. 'I always love this fight. Bus verses Car. Bus wins.'
The car pulls back out of its space and comes on towards the bus again.
'Woah, car has made a dramatic come back,' commentates Lad 1, 'Car's got balls.' The car passes the stationary bus.
'Car wins,' cries Lad 1, jubilantly.
'Lady driver too,' says Lad 3.
Lads 1 and 2 begin laughing again, but the next stop is theirs and they all get off leaving everyone else in a kind on stunned silence. Except me, I'm quietly laughing to myself, I've never been so entertained on a bus.